Speaking the Language of Love

Mother's Day Feature

Have you ever woken up on the second Sunday in May in a panic because you’ve just remembered it’s Mother’s Day? Then what did you do? I’d bet dollars to donuts it involved a dash to the supermarket for chocolates and flowers.

But if you understood your mum’s love language, it would be so much easier to find a meaningful way to express your love and appreciation of her, even when you’re short of time.

Wait … her what? Ok, so if you haven’t heard of the 5 Love Languages it’s your lucky day, because this is totally a thing and can be a game changer in any relationship. The concept was developed by Dr Gary Chapman who’s written books on it – and not just for adults either. You can dive in and take quizzes at 5lovelanguages.com, but in the meantime, here’s the idea:

The 5 love languages are: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and receiving gifts. These are ranked 1-5 in order of preference with 1 and 2 being our primary and secondary love languages. The best way to guess your mum's love language is to observe how she shows you love.

Here are some suggestions to help you show your mum you love her in the way that speaks most to her. Use them as a catalyst for your own creativity and come up with your own short list. Note that I haven’t mentioned ‘buying’ anything. Yet.

Words of Affirmation: Does your mum keep notes that others have written to her in a special place? Does she seem to melt when you tell her you appreciate her? For the ‘words of affirmation’ mum you could write her a nice note, compile a small album of your favourite memories together with notes about why they are special to you, or record a video of you telling her specific things you have learned from her or that you love about her. It will cost you nothing but time, but is a solid investment the relationship bank account.

Acts of Service: These mums get their love tanks filled by having tasks done for them. Especially ones they struggle with. Try to think of something she might not be able to do herself because of time, ability, or resources, especially if you know it’s bugging her. Fixing something or getting it fixed, moving something heavy for her, making her a nice meal … the list of possibilities is endless. In fact, she might even have a list! Whatever you decide on, the point is in the doing.

Quality time: This mum loves spending time with you. Have you noticed what a good listener she is? That she remembers the little things you’ve told her or you’ve experienced together? A Mother’s Day date is a great way to show her you love her. A picnic, a bike ride, walk in the park, as long as she has your attention. Ask her about her life and really listen. Pretty easy, huh?

Is your mum a hugger?

Physical touch: Does your mum touch you when she’s talking to you? Is she a hugger, a rubber, a cuddler? Then she’s super easy to please because all she wants is affection. Anything involving close physical contact is what she loves. Watch a movie snuggled together on the couch, brush her hair, give her a shoulder massage. And how about vouchers for free hugs! Always a winner!

Receiving gifts: Ok so this mum loves to be ‘surprised’ by gifts. It’s easy to read this wrong and think it’s all about the gift and the value. Well, it is, but the value is not necessarily in cost, but thought. The more thought that has gone into the gift, the higher the value. The gift represents how well you know her and that you have thought about her.

So, there you have it. You now have the tools to think about what lights your mum up like a Christmas tree and think of something that says “I Love You” in her language. These suggestions can be adapted for all ages and stages with a little creativity. So go out there and show your mum how much you love her.