As a private practitioner, my client base is primarily comprised of busy, hard-working people from varied circumstances such as double income, single income, sole-parent, blended family and everything else imaginable.
The common denominator among the majority is lack of time to relax, take a holiday, or simply catch a break. For many a common approach to this dilemma involves a “when, then” mindset.
“When work settles down, then I can plan a holiday”;
“When the kids are a bit older, then I will have time to (insert enriching activity here);
“When (insert major task here) is done, then we will head away for a break”.
The trouble is, “then” never seems to come.
There is an oft-quoted recommendation in the budgeting and savings sector which goes “Pay yourself first”, whereby 10% of a person’s income is paid to a savings or investment account, the remaining 90% then being allocated to various financial commitments. The reasoning here is that people won’t be able to train themselves to save if they pay themselves last.
Recently, I have been assisting my clients to adopt a similar reasoning with time.
For some people, the prospect of taking time out, switching off their phone, or even setting some reasonable boundaries with their employers (e.g. “please don’t call me on my day off”) can be a truly foreboding experience.
“But what if….??” questions are usually delivered in rapid-fire succession:
“But what if a client calls me and I don’t answer?”
“But what if my employer needs me?”
“But what if I miss out on (insert FOMO here)?”
It often turns out that these fears are unwarranted, over-exaggerated, or just plain wrong.
To “pay themselves first” with time, I ask my clients to pick a clear weekend in the future on their mobile phone calendar which they then screen out with the words “Not Available, “Holiday”, Break” – anything to forcefully remind them that for that period of time, they are as reachable as sending a text to the interstellar part of the universe (which is where the spacecrafts Voyagers 1 & 2 have just crossed over into, over 40 years after they took off from NASA).
They then enter a four, five, or six week “recurrence” appointment with themselves, adapting the six-weekly recurrence to work in with public holidays.
Suddenly, a minimum of nine free weekends (plus public holidays) materialise in their lives, every year. The relief on their faces is palpable – and will remain so, as long as they exercise some self-discipline in enforcing the holidays.
Try this on your phone – I think you will be delighted by the results.
A South Australian teacher by the name of Christopher Vogel recently presented the findings of a thesis analyzing the “Keeping Safe” programme, a mandatory child protection programme taught in all public schools in Australia from kindergarten, to year 12.
Vogel’s research reveals a systemic bias against boys. The curriculum provides 84 examples of males being aggressive to females (including child rape and abuse) and only one instance of a female being aggressive to a male (looking in his room without permission).
In New Zealand, research from the New Zealand Qualifications Authority shows girls are generally outperforming boys both in external and internal assessment, at all three levels of NCEA, and in University Entrance. Girls are also attaining more merit and excellence certificate endorsement at all levels, although the gap narrows at higher NCEA levels. On this reported outcome, I pause to consider whether lower achievement for boys might have anything to do with the 80% female dominated state schools’ workforce, which includes approximately 85% of female teachers in primary schools and 62% in secondary schools, and the method of academic assessment being more suitable for girls.
In state-funded domestic violence prevention programmes (e.g. White Ribbon), the embedded (and patently wrong) theme of “women = victim & men = abuser” couldn’t be clearer, despite the evidence revealing that female-on-male violence rates highest when alcohol is involved in a domestic dispute, and 44% of females commit acts of domestic violence towards men, as witnessed by their own children.
The rise of the #METOO movement hasn’t been kind to our menfolk either, with multiple examples worldwide of men being accused, without evidence, of sexual impropriety against women, and losing their jobs, families, and sometimes their lives, only for the accusations to be found to be (too late) without merit. No meaningful consequences ever seem to befall the (mostly) female false accusers.
Couple this appalling “moral panic” outcome with a rise in father-absent (or should that be father-dismissed) families, and it seems clear that boys are having an uphill battle trying to claim a legitimate, healthy, and valued place in the world.
If society want to raise good men, then society needs to first stop demonizing boys.
Research reveals that men retain their looks longer than women; are less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety than women; are better able to physically defend themselves and their loved ones than women; are overall better at playing games with children than women; attain the majority of senior responsibility work roles than women; and make more money than women.
So parents: love your boys, and grow them into good men, because ultimately – we need them.
Steve is the Director of Relationship Matters Ltd. He holds two applied Bachelor's degrees (Counselling & Addiction) and a P.G. Dip. in Applied Social Practice. Steve is married with two children and lives in West Auckland.